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About Literature / Hobbyist TillahFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 3 Years
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Where Will I Hide?
Why do you run? 
Why do you hide?
You spout the questions in accusation.
Why do you hide in an intoxicated fog?
Why do you run to a bottle of gin?
I ask myself silently.
So I quietly endure the blinding interrogation,
Knowing that there is no answer I can give,
That will satisfy your paranoid stupor.
I will run and hide seeking shelter.
Your prophecy fulfilled, 
I have found shelter from you,
Hiding in his arms.
:iconaponderette:Aponderette 3 0
Mature content
Resubmission :iconaponderette:Aponderette 3 2
Half-hearted Path
No reason to believe,
No reason to dream,
Foolishly followed the beckoning of my heart.
My heart is torn in two,
My heart laments my choice, 
Turning reluctantly to the vacant path ahead.
With some joyful hope, 
With some despairing fear,
A new path is taken with half-hearted determination.
:iconaponderette:Aponderette 5 2
Mature content
Am I Real :iconaponderette:Aponderette 0 4
Mature content
Dear Virtual Daddy :iconaponderette:Aponderette 1 0
My Hopes Rest In Naught
Once, I dreamed and believed,
I, myself, have deceived,
When my hopes came crashing down,
For your love I looked around,
Now alone, beleaguered, distraught,
I see my hopes rest in naught.
:iconaponderette:Aponderette 3 3
Questions From a Broken Heart
Why am I unlovable to the one that I love?
  Because one cannot love a person who is not whole.
Where did I go wrong in expressing my devotion?
   It was the first time you said you loved him.
When will he return to my waiting heart?
   He is gone my dear.  He will never hold you again.
Who has taken his love so very far away?
    Does it really matter?  He is not yours to serve.
How am I to survive when the best of me is devastated?
    Let go of the illusion, and take a look inside.
What can I do to make him love me again?
   He never loved you and there is nothing you can do.
:iconaponderette:Aponderette 6 1
Oh, do you remember when I told you she said she is having twins?
        No, I don't remember that.
Oh, maybe I forgot to mention that.  Well they are mine.
Did I tell you, when you miscarried I left the hospital never to return.
        No, I don't think you did.
Well, your dad made me come back.
Did I mention that I married you but never expected to stay?
        I am fairly sure you didn't.
Oh well, it didn't make sense to leave since you made all the money.
Do you remember when I said I would take care of you?
        Yes, I remember that.
Well, I may not have mentioned that I really don't know how.
Perhaps I overlooked the chance to tell you that I drink way too much.
        Yes, but I have noticed.
Well, it is your fault you know.
Once, I may have mentioned that will be loving and kind.
        That I do remember.
Sorry, that was when I wanted to get you
:iconaponderette:Aponderette 2 0
Mature content
Dreaming 'Bout You :iconaponderette:Aponderette 5 2
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My Journey to Whoredom :iconaponderette:Aponderette 5 3
Once you said you thought you were falling in love with me.  I wonder where I went wrong and lost the way to your heart.  I search for my mistake.
Was it when I cut my hair?  It would have grown again.  
Was it that outfit you hated?  I would have put on something else more pleasing to your eyes.  
Was it that I didn't get that joke?  I should have laughed anyway.  
Was it when I tripped and fell?  I could practice with a book on my head to be more graceful.  
Was there too much salt in the gravy?  I could have left it out next time or tried a different recipe.  
Was it that I loved you too much?
That is the one thing I cannot change.  I have loved you for so long it has become a part of me.  I have loved you so deeply that it holds me upright like an emotional skeleton. I would collapse without my love for you. Loving you is part of who I am.  It is woven into my being.  
You may not love me.  I don't
:iconaponderette:Aponderette 3 5
I Would
If you don't love me, than you don't! Do you have any of that to send this way?
Making it through everyday is impossible. Completely daunting and grey!
Don't worry, I am not the kind to think suicide, but death would be a welcome relief.
Struggling to stay afloat. I know no other way to deal with such grief.
If begging would make you love me, I should.
If praying would make things right, I could.
If I was able to forget you, I would.
It has been far to easy for you to turn away for there to be any hope.
Not even a lifeline. I really don't know how much longer I can cope.
Don't worry, I am not the kind to kill myself, but eternal slumber would be a reprieve.
Struggling to wake each day.  Like a black clad widow, I sob and grieve.
If begging would make you love me, I should.
If praying would make things right, I could.
If I was able to forget you, I would.
Common courtesy was too much to give and I was the last you sought.
It finally dawned that you were walking away and I was cling
:iconaponderette:Aponderette 3 0
I Should Have Known
Why didn't you just say this is was just about the sex?
Letting me believe and dream of what might come next.
You could have said you didn't care about my thoughts?
That my wistful dreams to you were merely squat.
Shouldn't you have told me that you really didn't care?
That there would never be a future in which I would share.
Okay, I should have known when you didn't want to hear.
That when I looked for comfort you would always disappear.
I guess I knew down somewhere that I was but a passing inclination.
I have walked eyes wide open into this eternal dark damnation.
Why did I not listen to that little warning voice?
Why didn't I say no when I still had a choice?
But now I am imprisoned in unfulfilled passion.
While for you I was simply a momentary distraction.
Others may think me a fool,
For having broken a steadfast rule,
To love a man without return,
Like playing with fire its bound to burn.
:iconaponderette:Aponderette 3 2
My Plea
in my despair
i have turned to you
you don't see it
but it's true
i needed strength
a strong shoulder
with each tear
your love grows colder
in all i do
i strive to please
begging you 
upon my knees
now i stand
one last time
earnestly pleading
to you in rhyme 
:iconaponderette:Aponderette 2 0
Mature content
Consummated Love :iconaponderette:Aponderette 4 0
Mature content
All the Names :iconaponderette:Aponderette 1 1


Mature content
The Elegant Sparky. :icontieduptemari:TiedupTemari 33 68
Its Yours,Just Ask.......
There is not a thing you can say to me,not any one thing you can do to me,to ever take what i have
I give it away freely,so it is never truly taken,it is received,i give it as a gift,for anyone to have
If you choose you can see me,as i am,not for what you want me to be,but in the end it depends on your perspective
Dont read between the lines,because they will blur,i am who i say i am,no need to look so closely
Im not so special,but to me what i have is,its all of me,thats what i have to give you,because i truly have me to give for the first time
My baggage has been checked,so i travel lightly these days, the weight of it wont drag you down
I smile,because it feels good,not because i want you to believe im ok
Because i am,whatever that means,you can only harm me if i allow it,because i have a choice to let the pain go
I choose not to give anyone that power,because with that power comes with great responsibility
And that responsibility is mine..............
:iconjeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerk:jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerk 11 8
Innocenza by saraPortrait Innocenza :iconsaraportrait:saraPortrait 54 18 Borderlands transformed by BricksandStones Borderlands transformed :iconbricksandstones:BricksandStones 346 66 Peter Wolf Toth Whispering Giant by MYPeanutGallery Peter Wolf Toth Whispering Giant :iconmypeanutgallery:MYPeanutGallery 20 4 Photographer's sad frame by hidlight Photographer's sad frame :iconhidlight:hidlight 9 0 Shark infested breadboard by RGDart Shark infested breadboard :iconrgdart:RGDart 397 123 eggHDR1037 by The-Egg eggHDR1037 :iconthe-egg:The-Egg 78 29 Untitled by Serdar-T Untitled :iconserdar-t:Serdar-T 43 10 Supernova by Tate27kh Supernova :icontate27kh:Tate27kh 15 15
A fake.
Never honest, never open, never real.
Tried to be something they're not,
Tried to be an image it could not live up too.
All talk no action.
Broken promises. Dissatisfaction.
White lies and black truths.
Thought it was authentic.
Thought it was living real.
It was living a lie.
Until fake met real.
And real told fake the hard truth.
A pill too hard to swallow.
Real ripped off fakes fake mask. Exposed.
Fakes foolish pride blinded its eyes.
Real told fake. "You will never be real."
"Cause I'M REAL!"
Fake looked in the mirror.
Fake blamed, "NO! YOU ARE FAKE!"
Mirror spoke back, "I am Real."
Fake accepted, "I am... Fake."
Fake finally understood, it changed.
Fake was finally Real.
:icondarkbomb0:Darkbomb0 2 0
Love is crazy.
Crazy is love.
Why do I love crazy?
Crazy love.
:icondarkbomb0:Darkbomb0 1 0
Mature content
Easy A :iconwe--r--who--we--r:We--R--Who--We--R 30 30
Mature content
The word 'Submissive'. :icondarkbomb0:Darkbomb0 1 2
These words and these pictures
These words and these pictures.
Are an expression.
Is my protection.
They are weapon.
And also my escape.
Art and Poetry.
In all its forms.
Takes a piece of ones soul
and time forged to create.
Simple scribbles and stick figures
become portraits of ones vision.
Giving a better view of what ones sees.
A world beyond our own,
at the edge of our fingertips,
yet light years away, untouchable.
Our deepest visions drawn out.
Simple Once upon a times and
In a land far far away
become novels, music, and erotica.
Giving off what it means to feel.
Every detail, every breathe, every mental sensation.
Our inner most feelings written down.
Our words and our pictures.
Our imaginations.
Eternal inner child seeking to play
till the end of time,
never growing yet always learning,
maturing, mastering, enjoying new experiences.
Im just am observer
of the obvious but bares witness
to multiple participant in this world.
Though they start off small, they grow.
Our words and pictures are like seeds,
:icondarkbomb0:Darkbomb0 1 1



Over the years, I have taken personality tests for classes, career counselling and sometimes just because I feel like it.  Anyway this is a general breakdown that I was writing to a friend earlier today.  

So this is more or less me...

100% introverted this has always been consistent. This means I like ideas and reflecting on things I see.  I prefer small intimate groups to large crowds.  I do not mind at all being on my own and doing things on my own although I do love the ideas of others and I don't mind an occasional party, but I like to be there with people I know well and like to feel free to be me!

90-100% Intuitive - I fluctuate a bit here with a bit of sensing popping in on occasion.  So I like the big picture and patterns.  New ideas are of great interest and like to be explored.  However, there are times I experience and am in awe of the details, but generally then relate them to the big picture.

75-80% Feeling - Again I fluctuate slightly here.  For the most part I am concerned about the happiness of others and harmony around me.  However, I also like technical and logical problems as they relate to the big picture and in how they are solved.

I am right on the line between Judging and perceiving. So score in the 45- 60% percent on Judging... I was more strongly judging when I was younger, but this part of my personality tends to flex more than others.    I like my world to be orderly, but I also like spontaneity.  I am probably more organized internally than most people would think I am.  Example, when I go out, I like to have a plan, but am not stressed if it needs to change.  But can get frustrated when others don't stick to the general plan or make changes without some kind of plan.  Still, I don't tend to panic if things go unexpectedly and assume things will work out in the end.

OH... and because I am good at patterns, I have to make myself NOT analyse the questions to see what is being looked for so I answer as quickly as possible when going through the test.  Here is the link for the quicky... 

 the whole test is very, very long!

So a pure INFJ would be like this: Seek meaning and connection in ideas, relationships, and material possessions. Want to understand what motivates people and are insightful about others. Conscientious and committed to their firm values. Develop a clear vision about how best to serve the common good. Organized and decisive in implementing their vision. (… )

Of course these are very general guidelines which are influenced by intelligence, up bringing and even the physical body... just like my friend describe Dom and Sub personalities.  Still there are certain consistencies that allow one to be classified within a multi-faceted spectrum.  

If you actually read all of that I am impressed!  LOL... 


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Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
Just thinking!


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DavidNowak Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2014
Thanks for the fav! Have a llama.
SourLady Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2014
Hey, thanks for the fave. Glad you liked it. =D
Harry-E-Hooper Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2014  Professional General Artist
Thanks for the faves, Tillah! :)
mrhungry56 Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2014
Happy Birthday!
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BlueButterflies by KmyGraphic
Thanks for the Fave!
We--R--Who--We--R Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2014
Thanks for the like click! :)
MarianaFuzaro Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2014  Professional General Artist
thanks for the fave
TiedupTemari Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the Favorite!
lemgras330 Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks so much for faving! :happy: hug
MeLiNaHTheMixed Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for faving Boom boomly boom! by MeLiNaHTheMixed :3
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